"This is how New Yorkers spend their days."

"The white smoke yesterday signaled that the Vatican thinks what it needs to bring it into modernity is the oldest pope since the 18th century: Joseph Ratzinger, a 78-year-old hidebound archconservative who ran the office that used to be called the Inquisition and who once belonged to Hitler Youth."

"'We all mourned John Paul II's death,' said Verrazetti, who was at St. Peter's Square for the former pope's funeral. 'But when Vatican officials said that final 'Amen,' you could feel something change in the air. Someone screamed 'festa!' and pretty soon Catholic women were going wild, running topless in the streets."

"The new pope can chose any name he likes except for 'Graham', 'Hitler' and 'Vivisection'. There was a Pope Vivisection XI in the tenth century, but he didn't own a horse, so he doesn't count."

"Free samples! Can there be two sweeter words in the English language?"