a blog with cultural bulimia.

Friday, August 29, 2003


is the new 'Cirque de Solei' in Las Vegas. MC'd by Joey Arias, costumes by Thierry Mugler, bodies by the entire world, it is totally erotic exploration, basically asking the question, by using live examples, WHAT TURNS YOU ON?
ZUMANITY is a stunning exploration of the hidden forces behind desire, and a celebration of human diversity. In an intimate theatre, beautiful performers beguile the audience with a never-before-seen blend of fashion, art, music, dance, circus arts, personality and sensuality.



the wedding was at the alladin's wedding chapel at seven pm on the twenty-seventh day of august two thousand and three.

the minister spoke of what it means to become one couple while still remaining two individuals.
and the importance of respecting each other's space.

so i question: what is marriage?

are pre-arranged marriages that still prevail in middle-eastern countries any more valid than, for example, the unselfish act of marrying a friend to help him have a better life?

donald and marla
liza and david
liz taylor and ...
my parents
phil and his 'husband'
doug and joe
gina and sinval.

which is the best?
who is to say?

who is respectfull?
who is caring?
who is loving?

what is love?

"Let it not be immortal, since it is flame
But let it be infinite while it lasts."

Sinval & Gina
respect each other
care for each other
have love for each other

Sinval & Gina


i'll state the obvious: LV is all about money.

money money money money money
money makes the world go around.

SO if a hotel has an art exhibit it's foolish to search for a higher motivation. the job of art curator in a LV hotel must be part of the marketing director's responsibilities.
and art shows are not on the top of anyone's to do list here.

AND that's how i find myself alone at the 'andy warhol - the celebrity portraits' with audio guide by liza minelli.
the show is the best example i could never come up with to explain my point.

i like warhol. and was glad to see, once again, the pieces in real life. they've been published countless times but as with any work of art, the experience of seeing it live is transcending. liza's narration adds absolutely nothing but is very suiting - they are short comments on the celebrity portrayed and a chance she has to drop names.

Thursday, August 28, 2003


'The beauty of this word is that it cannot be translated easily.

Take nostalgia/yearning/longing/sadness/fondness, put them in a blender.. add some sugar, a little salt, and a dash of cachaca all while listening to some samba and you will have something that almost defines "saudade".'

A saudade é um filme sem cor que meu coração quer ver colorido

Saudade is a black and white movie that my heart wants to watch in technicolor.


Kenny has been an extremely generous host, everything has been planned to perfection.
We were put at the Alladin and it's a fine hotel, all amenieties included. The wedding party has 8 rooms in total. Him & Sinval have been here for 3 weeks straight, working on fashion shows, and know their way around pretty well. 'Around' is a figure of speech because all LV is is 'The Strip'.

The strip is an island surrounded by desert. One road. A long road that looks misleadingly short. The Bellagio is across the street but it takes us half hour to walk there.

Besides Kenny, the bride and the groom, the cast of characters includes the bride's parents and a friend of theirs, Tracy who works with Kenny, Heather, Gina's best friend, Phil from Boston, Joe and Doug, Nilma from Brasil and Paulo, one of my friendster's friend and Sinval's friend as well. 14 people.

I did not know most of them but it does not strike me as odd that we get along so well. We are sort of all from the same tribe - in this case, close friends of Gina and Sinval, and it makes sense we share similar views and attitudes.

None of us are tourists, really. We all are NY cynical about LV. (my first impressions from yesterday still hold BUT i must admit I was under the influence of a couple of cosmopolitans and also add that LV is MUCH nicer at night. LIGHTING is everything.)

Day two was spent by the pool. The weather is hot and perfectly dry. Insularly selfish we are, there is no one else in town that looks remotely interesting. Except for Alex.

Alex is 3 years old and instead of playing in the kid's pool he orbits nearby but refutes my attempts of friendship. For about 5 minutes. Then we become buddies. He is from Afeganistan and he is gorgeous and he is the kind of child i love: smart. I believe one reason kids like me is because i do not baby talk them. Not treating them special makes them treat me special.

The wedding was set for 7pm at the hotel's chappel.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Untying the Knot


While he tends to speak crisply and definitively, my words circle back, my thoughts evolving as I speak. And I, too, ask:
"So how is it that ordinary love ordinarily fails? If love is, as Wallace Stevens suggests, a dwelling ''in which being there together is enough,'' how does silence fall on a thousand evenings and the possibility of intimacy flicker and die? How do lovers become lonely? "

"It's so you to raise questions like that'' he says, in the way that the fondest of phrases -- it's you, darling! I understand you! -- can metamorphose into the bitterest, as caring begins to be seen, through the lens of years, as controlling.

Like most powerful, pervasive dynamics, the tensions found expression in incidents almost too trivial to recollect.

Another way of describing the relationship was that he had more trouble compromising and being in a relationship than I did. It cost him more to accommodate me, so he resented it more. That's as much of a truth as that everything revolved around me.

Over time, we had sex less often, and when we did, we had less of a feeling of reaching one another. The shift was subtle enough that neither of us can place it -- did it happen in Year 5, 6, 10? Without saying so, each attributed the distance to the other.


to quote a friend of mine:
"and all you have to do is say yes!"

resistance is futile. i caved in watching the dancing water fountain in front of the bellagio.
sarcasm gone, i lead the applause at the end.

resistance is futile. all it took was winning my first 50 with one quarter.

rehearsal dinner was at olives @ the bellagio. as you might know, my stubborness resulted in a cosmopolitan drenched mother of the bride.

afterwards we went to a private party for perry ellis (it's fashion week here) where tracy young was dj'ing. the vip pass hanging from my neck was like garlic to a vampire. it screamed to me: YOU ARE NOT VIP.

resistance is futile

and that was the first day - the day i caved in and decided that i would have fun in LV.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003


flying above canyons
the earth looks so old.
and brown.
and beige.

like my grandmother's face.

there is a road that goes from nowhere to nowhere
and i realize i have been following it for a long time.

it's been a long time nowhere.

the road takes a sharp turn left and i do not.

i look at the earth again
and it's brown and beige.

and it's beautiful.

like my grandmother's face.
matter is neither created nor destroyed

i have no talent i can speak of.
i can write and i can draw
but i can't write well
and i can't draw that well either.

are people with no talent destined to become critics, reviewers?

i'm an opinion hypochondriac, a taste chameleon.




It makes no sense to say that a good marriage requires parity, as most marriages in the world and throughout history have been based on entirely different principles. You might even conclude from America's unusually high divorce rate that the expectation of equality and personal fulfillment is itself a more problematic prescription than that of honor and obedience.

'One, a Brazilian, looked like Hollywood's notion of a diplomat — slender, graying, elegant, with a touch of an accent in the many languages he spoke. One, an Egyptian, was a hard-living, hard-drinking, hard-smoking, hard-thinking specialist in managing chaos.

Both died on Tuesday in Baghdad, crushed under the rubble of the Canal Hotel, the makeshift headquarters of the United Nations in Iraq.

Recipe: Classic Margarita:

Lime slice, 1/2 inch thick, for salting glass
Kosher salt
2 ounces silver tequila
1 ounce Cointreau
3/8 ounce fresh lime juice.
1. Rub lime slice around outer rim of cocktail glass. Place salt in a dish. Holding glass parallel to dish, coat only the outside with salt. Place glass in refrigerator.
2. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add tequila, Cointreau and lime juice. Shake well. Strain into chilled cocktail glass.
Yield: 1 drink.


August's San Paolo


Emotionally, you may feel as if you are running up against a brick wall.

Juan Cristobal Napoles Fajardo
also known as "El Cucalambe"

Oh, guayabera !
camisa de alegre botonadura.
Cuarto bolsillos, frescura,
de cana brava y de brisa.

Oh, Guayabera!
Cheerful buttons shirt.
Four pockets, coolness,
Of brave sugar cane and breeze.


this was the weekend the weather was perfect.
that my friends and i made a pact
that we stuck with the pact.
that we learned more about each other and ourselves.
that we discovered there was fun to be had.

it was also the weekend

we saw mars and it moved like an airplane with a red blinking sidelight.
kojakaroo was knocked to the floor by my wind-milling arms.
i was told i was weird. "no, wait, not weird, let's say... unique"
my love for chocolate clashed with the 420th ingredient in the (several) brownies i ate at Mr. M's picnic.

but this weekend when

i heard erich fromm say that love is a decision,
i listened to erich fromm say that love is commitment,
i paid attention to Mr. M telling me about his commitment ceremony, erich fromm and how love is a promise,

i thought of you.

this was the weekend Pink Martini kept singing to me: "LET FOREVER BEGIN TONIGHT"


Everything But The Girl from: Idlewild

'I've thought of having children
But I've gone and changed my mind
It's hard enough to watch the news
Let alone explain it to a child
To cast your eye 'cross nature
Over fields of rape and corn
And tell him without flinching
Not to fear where he's been born'

Monday, August 25, 2003


Yesterday morning, i read to Mr. DF from "The Art of Loving". Later, in a totally unrelated event, in talking to Mr. M about his commitment ceremony, he said that one of the readings came from a Erich Fromm book. It was exactly the same passage:
"One neglects to see an important factor in love, that of will. To love somebody is not just a strong feeling--it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, if my actions do not involve judgement and decision?"

Friday, August 22, 2003



Use your innate creativity to make things happen today, dear Gemini. This doesn't always take the form of a finished product. It can be used to come up with new and innovative ways to approach a task, project or problem. Trust in your ability to discover such ways. As a Gemini, you're known for your sharp thinking and creative ability. Combining the two can make an unstoppable tool to finding solutions to most anything.

Friendster - Messages


Friendster Mail: "From:Daniel
Date: August 22, 2003 7:19 AM
Subject: Re: hun, you need a pic
Message: First I have to find one where I am wearing clothes."

Friendster - Messages


what's the point of spending hours trying to figure out what are the books&movies i should list on my profile so i can come across as 'cultured' and 'desirable' if i'm going to be judged by my friends choice of clothing or lack thereof?

Friendster Mail: "From: Sean
You are connected to Sean through: You => Erik => Alan => Randy => Sean
Date: August 21, 2003 6:16 PM

Message: all your friends are naked! (or nearly so! )"

President Bush: "I caution those who may try to take the speck out of the neighbor's eye when they've got a log in their own." numbers check
Should marriage be legally defined as only a union between a man and a woman?
Yes: 53% 11,719,607 votes
No: 47% 10,566,993 votes
Total: 22,286,600 votes

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Friendster - Donn

as my friend Donn says: "i find i live life by something the great philosopher Popeye said...
' i y'am what i y'am... and it's all that i y'am...'"

B U D D H I S M 1 0 1

Buddha said:

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.

Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.

Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious books.

Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.


after observation and analysis,
when you find that anything agrees with reason
and is conductive to the good and the benefit of one and all,
then accept it and live up to it."


Meanwhile, in the middle of the desert, where i'm flying to next tuesday...

"Powerful thunderstorms dumped as much as three inches of rain on parts of Las Vegas and Henderson causing the mayor of Las Vegas to declare an emergency. It is the worst storm the city has seen since 1999. The flash flooding resulted in road closures, damaged home and numerous rescues."

Computer G(r)eek.

Unfortunately we are in a QUEUE, not in a STACK:

"Sorry, you are such a great guy but you were f.i.f.o. (first in, first out)."

Sometimes you pass on (or get passed on) ONLY because you want to meet other people before you settle.

I wish you realize how luck you were you met me.

An African Native of World Popularity

summer is...

from dailycandy

The New York Quiz
1. Who described New York as 'a sucked orange'?
2. What is the opening line of Annie Hall?
3. What are the three ingredients in a correctly made egg cream? (Hints: Not egg. Not cream.)
4. What is the oldest house in New York City?
5. How many restaurants does Keith McNally actually own today? Bonus question: Name his newest, which opens next week.
6. Max's Kansas City was the hottest club of the late '60s. Where was it?
7. Who are Betsey, Bunky, and Nini?
8. Who is the famous Walter at the Metropolitan Museum of Art?
9. What is the name of the only wine shop in New York City that is open on Sundays, and why can it stay open when others can't?
10. How many World Series have the Yankees won?
11. Where else can you hear the three women and one man who recorded the announcements for the new subway cars?
12. What was the Flatiron Building originally called?
13. How much distance (in moving traffic) counts as one click on a taxi meter?
14. How many acres is Central Park?

Click here for the answers.

No Meio do Caminho (Carlos Drummond de Andrade)

'No Meio do Caminho'
English translation


In the middle of the road there was a stone
there was a stone in the middle of the road
there was a stone
in the middle of the road there was a stone.

Never should I forget this event
in the life of my fatigued retinas.
Never should I forget that in the middle of the road
there was a stone
there was a stone in the middle of the road
in the middle of the road there was a stone.

Translated by Elizabeth Bishop

BISHOP, Elizabeth and BRASIL, Emanuel (eds) An Anthology of Twentieth-Century Brazilian Poetry . Wesleyan Univertsity Press, 1972

Wednesday, August 20, 2003


No meio do caminho
Carlos Drummond de Andrade

No meio do caminho tinha uma pedra
tinha uma pedra no meio do caminho
tinha uma pedra
no meio do caminho tinha uma pedra.

Nunca esquecerei desse acontecimento
na vida de minhas retinas tão fatigadas.

Nunca me esquecerei que no meio do caminho
tinha uma pedra
tinha uma pedra no meio do caminho
no meio do caminho tinha uma pedra.

DailyCandy NYC - Chinaman Walks into a Bar ...

Mental note: new place to try.
from DailyCandy NYC:
Chinaman Walks into a Bar ...

"The beginning of a bad joke? No, just a new bar on the Lower East Side.
Barrio Chino borrows its name from Havana's Chinatown district. (And you thought they invented Cuban Chinese cooking on the Upper West Side.) "

Homosexuality and Theravada Buddhism

B U D D H I S M 1 0 1

Buddhism and Homosexuality
by A. L. De Silva

"Some have argued that there must be something wrong with homosexuality because so many homosexuals are emotionally disturbed. At first there seems to be some truth in this. In the West, at least, many homosexuals suffer from psychological problems, abuse alcohol, and indulge in obsessive sexual behaviour. As a group, homosexuals have a high rate of suicide. But observers have pointed out that such problems seem to be no more pronounced amongst African and Asian homosexuals than they are in the societies in which they live. It is very likely that homosexuals in the West are wounded more by society's attitude to them than by their sexual proclivity, and, if they are treated the same as everybody else, they will be the same as everybody else. Indeed, this is the strongest argument for acceptance and understanding towards homosexuals."

Help Wanted

Much as happiness is the solution to depression and tallness the remedy for shortness...
Help Wanted by Walter Kirn

"Maybe a redefinition of ''work'' is called for so that the term will no longer refer to making things (or to manipulating symbols) but only to buying and using them up -- tasks we still excel at. Maybe Americans should be paid consumers, retained by China to absorb the output of the factories that closed here and opened there but won't be able to stay in operation unless the American workers who got canned can purchase the things they no longer get paid to make. How about a Marshall Plan for Cleveland financed by Beijing?"

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

somehow i deleted my blog template and could not recover it.
first i was frutrated.
then i tried to rebuilt it.
then i started working on a new template.
hence all the changes throughout the day.


the whole thing showed me, once again, that
i stick around longer than i should: changes are good
attachment to material things is the source of frustration and anxiety
i'm lazy: you can/should always improve

and that

maybe the reason to my blog is the search for the path to nirvana.
or, at least, enlightenment.

and that you can also have fun while at it.

"Holy Enron! Who knew our grid was more stressed than we are?"
Maureen Dowd

"Thursday reminded us of the tenuousness of our romance with technology; we spend our days using a thicket of high-tech equipment without a clue about how it actually works or what to do when it doesn't.

We have BlackBerrys that are also telephones and Palm Pilots that are also cameras and cellphones that also send text-message mash notes. We take it on faith that the power will come on when we switch on computers to send e-mail around the world instantaneously from our air-conditioned, well-lit, cable-TV-equipped, key-coded, A.T.M.-financed worlds, without ever knowing that our power might be originating in Canada — eh? — or looping eerily around Lake Erie."


Ella... on PBS tonight.

bewitched, bothered and bewildered
I've sinned a lot, I'm mean a lot
But I'm like sweet seventeen a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - am I

Monday, August 18, 2003

From: mr. h
Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 17:23:31 -0400
Subject: Re: my posts

My dear mr. v

Yes. You are alive indeed. And you can do whatever you want with your blog--as well you should. It is your blog after all. I don't disagree with anything you say. Nothing is carved in stoned, however. I think it's more interesting to read something you write one day and then hours, days, or weeks later read how your opinion has changed on the matter. It shows growth. I admit in all my writings, freely, that I contradict myself all the time. I do. I also make fun of it. What I write one day changes from moment to moment. When I finish writing a piece I sometimes think, how silly. But I'm done with it. Now I can move to something else or see the errors of my thinking when I set it down on paper. You'd be surprised at how many times I've said to myself, "What an idiot." But writing helps me think and look at myself better. When we learn to dance and celebrate our contradiction, we become human. When we learn to make fun of ourselves, we become divine. Be divine! But above all, have fun. In everything you do.

mr. h


my postings

i know you said postings should not be changed but, fuck it, maybe that's my differencial in a world of blogs. i do not want my opinions to be set in stone. evolution is good when it is good. wish in life i could go back and erase things i've said and done. but i can't. on MY BLOG i can. and i will. and if ppl get pissed, that will be their problem. i'll have at least - and at last - caused a reaction. to every action a reaction?

i'm alive.

reasons i'm a 'modern man'

question for mr. h: is the chair pleasing physically and esthetically? if so, can i say it is spiritually pleasing?

z e n   &  m o d e r n  

beauty should be affordable.

beauty should be accessible.

form should follow function.

clean is better, less is more.

practice dettachment: no clutter.

(this list is still evolving)

:: QuickVote
with about 22M votes

mail from belo horizonte
luiz has a new dog

Brazilian Modern Art
Tarsila do Amaral (1886-1973)

"Although she did not take part in Modern Art Week in 1922 (she was in Paris at the time), Tarsila do Amaral became a kind of 'first lady' of the modernist movement in Brazil and played a part of great importance."

óleo/tela 85 X 73cm
Assin.:"11-1-1928", aniversário de Oswald de Andrade

Abaporu - the most important brazilian painting. it was painted as a gift to the writer Oswald de Andrade, her husband at the time. she and her friends were in shock when they saw it finished: they felt it represented something exceptional. Tarsila named it Abaporu ('the man who eats' in tupi-guarani, a native brazilian language). that inspired Oswald to write the Manifesto Antropófago and their group of friends, representants of brazilian intelectuals of the time, to start the Movimento Antropofágico, with the intention to 'digest' the european culture and transform it in something brazilian. This was a radical take on the ongoing Movimento Modernista brasileiro at the time.

B U D D H I S M 1 0 1

• Is Buddhism a Religion?

To many, Buddhism goes beyond religion and is more of a philosophy or 'way of life'. It is a philosophy because philosophy 'means love of wisdom' and the Buddhist path can be summed up as:

1. to lead a moral life,
2. to be mindful and aware of thoughts and actions, and
3. to develop wisdom and understanding.

• How Can Buddhism Help Me?

Buddhism explains a purpose to life, it explains apparent injustice and inequality around the world, and it provides a code of practice or way of life that leads to true happiness.

• What did the Buddha Teach?

The Buddha taught many things, but the basic concepts in Buddhism can be summed up by the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path.

• What is the First Noble Truth?

The first truth is that life is suffering i.e., life includes pain, getting old, disease, and ultimately death. We also endure psychological suffering like loneliness frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied. It is realistic rather than pessimistic because pessimism is expecting things to be bad. lnstead, Buddhism explains how suffering can be avoided and how we can be truly happy.

• What is the Second Noble Truth?

The second truth is that suffering is caused by craving and aversion. We will suffer if we expect other people to conform to our expectation, if we want others to like us, if we do not get something we want,etc. In other words, getting what you want does not guarantee happiness. Rather than constantly struggling to get what you want, try to modify your wanting. Wanting deprives us of contentment and happiness. A lifetime of wanting and craving and especially the craving to continue to exist, creates a powerful energy which causes the individual to be born. So craving leads to physical suffering because it causes us to be reborn.

• What is the Third Noble Truth?

The third truth is that suffering can be overcome and happiness can be attained; that true happiness and contentment are possible. lf we give up useless craving and learn to live each day at a time (not dwelling in the past or the imagined future) then we can become happy and free. We then have more time and energy to help others. This is Nirvana.

• What is the Fourth Noble Truth?

The fourth truth is that the Noble 8-fold Path is the path which leads to the end of suffering.

• What is the Noble 8-Fold Path?

In summary, the Noble 8-fold Path is being moral (through what we say, do and our livelihood), focussing the mind on being fully aware of our thoughts and actions, and developing wisdom by understanding the Four Noble Truths and by developing compassion for others.

• The 5 Precepts?

The moral code within Buddhism is the precepts, of which the main five are:
1. not to take the life of anything living
2. not to take anything not freely given
3. to abstain from sexual misconduct and sensual overindulgence
4. to refrain from untrue speech
5. to avoid intoxication, that is, losing mindfulness

Brazilian Poetry III:

Let it not be immortal, since it is flame /
But let it be infinite while it lasts

translation from
UPNE | An Anthology of Twentieth-Century Brazilian Poetry

Vinícius de Moraes

Translated by Ashley Brown

De tudo, ao meu amor serei atento
Antes, e com tal zêlo, e sempre, e tanto
Que mesmo em face do maior encanto
Dêle se encante mais meu pensamento.

Quero vivê-lo em cada vão momento
E em seu louvor hei de espalhar meu canto
E rir meu riso e derramar meu pranto
Ao seu pesar ou seu contentamento.

E assim, quando mais tarde me procure
Quem sabe a morte, angústia de quem vive
Quem sabe a solidão, fim de quem ama

Eu possa me dizer do amor (que tive):
Que não seja imortal, pôsto que é chama
Mas que seja infinito enquanto dure.
Above all, to my love I'll be attentive
First, and always with such ardor, so much
That even when confronted by this great
Enchantment my thoughts ascend to more delight.

I want to live it through in each vain moment
And in its honor I must spread my song
And laugh with my delight and shed my tears
When she is sad or when she is contented.

And thus, when afterward comes looking for me
Who knows what death, anxiety of the living,
Who knows what loneliness, end of the loving

I could say to myself of the love (I had):
Let it not be immortal, since it is flame
But let it be infinite while it lasts.

Sunday, August 17, 2003


posted by mike benedetto in useless! worthless! insipid!:

"Never watch movies just because you remember them fondly from your childhood. You'll suffer and there's no one you can blame but your own faulty memory and poor childhood taste."


BENEFIT: AID 4 AIDS 08.20.03

AID 4 AIDS & Jesus Aguais
invite you to celebrate...

Oceans 21 Restaurant
21 West 9th Street (5th / 6th Ave)

Wednesday August, 20th, 2003
6pm – 11pm
Join us for an evening of Cuban cocktails, raffles, gambling, & hors d’oeurves

$20 cover price @ the door.

All proceeds benefit AID FOR AIDS

Help those in need

from Mark Nelson

"I haven't brought up this up this OLD girlfriend of mine for awhile...
I have been reminded as of late, of the ravages & destruction that this 'girl' has been actively doing in our world. I love everyone! But...
I HATE her...
I used to hang w/ Kris ALL the time, & a year ago, I told it it was either her or me...
I WON... She left
that should have taken care of it... NASTY thing!
But NO She leaves reminders of her sorry self EVERYWHERE around me.

Kris loves a party... She loves to party... She loves to make you feel you are the center of the universe.
She likes to control situations around her...
She 'seems' to make you feel SO good about 'stuff'.
She is hi-maintenance & needs to be dealt w/ constantly.

PEOPLE: She is NOT your friend.

If you have someone you care for who hangs out w/ Kris...
Or because of Kris you don't care for them lately...
She changes people. Sort of the Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde syndrome.
Kris is a drug; If you need a drug in your life, let it be LOVE.

Kris is short for Crytal Meth: She is THE ultimate bitch.

I may be winning my battle, but the war continues...

Those who do this drug, think they control it. NO YOU DON'T
Those who do this drug, don't think others know it. WE DO
Those who do this drug, become paranoid & delusional. YOU DO
Those who do this drug, think they are invincible. YOU AREN'T
Those who do this drug, think they are better lovers. NO NO NO
Those who do this drug, think they get more work done. NOPE
There is NOT a cure for this. The only help is abstinance.
There is NO argument people.
She RUINS lives...

Have I made my point?"


Perfect day

from mr. h:

"And when I woke up, I remembered I dreamt I had brunch at the Grange, then went to see Madame Sata, and walked all over SoHo, and shopped at the Apple Store, and ate cheese cake flavored rice pudding, and rode the elevator at the Prada store, and listened to music all night. And then we kissed. And in my dream, you were there."

from Lou Reed:

Perfect Day

Just a perfect day
Drink sangria in the park
Then later, when it gets dark, we go home
Just a perfect day
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later a movie too, and then home

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you
Oh such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

Just a perfect day
Problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own, it's such fun
Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was someone else, someone good

Oh it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you
Such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow


a great movie

Rice to Riches

Gothamist Review

"five things you can do with the Rice to Riches pudding container after you are done with it:
1. Soap dish
2. Fancy dog food container
3. U.F.O. for your low budget animation movies
4. Place to put your change
5. A reminder that you need to get the fuck out of New York and start living a real life where you don't think about rice pudding all the time"


Saturday, August 16, 2003

Quero Ir a Cuba.

Caetano Veloso

Mamãe eu quero ir a Cuba
Quero ver a vida lá
La sueño una perla encendida
Sobre la mar
Mamãe eu quero amar
A ilha de Xangô e de Yemanjá
Yorubá igual a Bahia
Desde Célia Cruz
Cuando eu era un niño de Jesus
E a revolução
Que também tocou meu coração
Cuba seja aqui
Essa ouvi dos lábios de Peti
Desde o cha-cha-cha
Mamãe eu quero ir a Cuba
E quero voltar


Gemini Horoscope:

Sat Aug. 16, 2003 by

"This is a great day to start new enterprises in partnership with others, dear Gemini. Gatherings with friends, or group activities, could lead to ideas for new communal projects which fire your energy and enthusiasm, and that of those around you. New goals should be set, some immediate, some long-term. Some in the group may not be interested and could drop out, but don't worry about this. Others who share your interests will very quickly step in to take their places."


numbers checking QuickVote

Should marriage be legally defined as only a union between a man and a woman?

Yes 49% 9,905,952 votes
No 51% 10,270,065 votes

Total: 20,176,017 votes


Friday, August 15, 2003


"In Manhattan, the sun is rising but the lights are still out."
photo from


4:11pm on thursday

e agora, josé?,
a luz apagou.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

CNN Poll

Should marriage be legally defined as only a union between a man and a woman?

saints by josh gosfield

dinner with x-l

Lunchbox Food Co.

i had a wonderful evening with x-l. we tried not to play the blame game and i think, for the first time since we broke up 2 years ago, we were able to talk about our dating (or lack of it) without upsetting each other.


some things will never change: "is he hot?".


Wednesday, August 13, 2003

semantics: a date is a date is a date?

"The sort of thing you hear when someone's talking on a cell phone"
posted originally by walt

"Oh, honey, no. I wouldn't call it a date. No one does that any more. It implies commitment and we know how committed gay men are to any sort of relationship. Nowadays it's called going out for a drink, or coffee. Brunch is too serious these days too. Imagine having to talk to anyone for more than two hours straight. Who can? Nobody's that interesting anyway. What do you think the alcohol is for? Here's what I'd do. Call him up, tell him you'll have coffee but that it's not a date. That way you still have your options open and he can't get mad if you don't call him back."

Word of the Day

DEFINITION: untidy, messy
EXAMPLE: Vasco's slovenly life perturbed his compulsively neat ex-lover.
SYNONYMS: disheveled, ill-kempt, messy, slipshod, sloppy, unkempt


david sedaris

one of my favorite writers, the only one that makes me laugh out loud.
in public.
at the beach.
in the subway.
no wonder my personal space is being respected.

if i could write, it would have to be like him: his views, perceptions, deliveries are right on.
so, i go on quoting him...

The Man Upstairs

by david sedaris

"When I was told that they'd canceled the two o'clock flight from Boston to Portland, Maine, my first instinct was to lie down on the floor and cry. Timewise, the delay was hardly the end of the world: My business wouldn't begin until the following morning, but still, the news was crushing. The cancellation was a reminder that I do not govern the activities of major airports, which seems obvious enough but always comes as a terrible shock when stated out loud.

Like most people, I've constructed an elaborate house of cards based on the concept that I control the world around me. The hotels in which I stay do not catch fire because I do not want them to, and my planes stay aloft for the same reason. What religious people call fate, I call luck, and what they call God's will, I call bad luck. Accept a canceled flight and suddenly you're on a roll, opening yourself to the possibilities of tax audits and spinal-cord injuries. Anything can happen once the precedent's been set.

The news was disappointing, but I might have sulked a lot harder had my earlier flight not included a bald five-year-old traveling with a couple I guessed to be his parents. Boys that age do not generally shave their heads, and so I, along with everyone else, naturally assumed he had cancer. When adults get sick, it's commonly decided that they brought it upon themselves—Constance held grudges; Marty destroyed his heart with buttered popcorn. It's our pathetic way of insisting that the same thing could never happen to us. But it's sort of hard to blame a child. I mean, what, did he teethe too hard? "

same song, different heart


Tuesday, August 12, 2003

From: Donn
Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2003
Subject: tonite... tonite!

off to new jersey to work with one of cinderella's sisters...
should be back to get to the gym tonite...should be out of the gym by 8:30...
and i will be starving... so dinner is do-able... movies won't work for me....
hopefully it's ok with u...
steve wants to join us...

and i think i have a crush on Mr. H... lol...

speak w/u later...

in case my plane goes down in a ball of molten steel & fire

sinval & gina's

Las Vegas, NV
Flight summary
Tue 26-Aug-03
New York (JFK)
Depart 7:50 am
Terminal 7
toLas Vegas (LAS)
Arrive 10:10 am
Terminal 1
2235 mi (3597 km)
Duration: 5hr 20mn
America West
Flight: 55E
Boeing 757
Fri 29-Aug-03
Las Vegas (LAS)
Depart 5:00 pm
Terminal 1
toNew York (JFK)
Arrive 12:57 am
Terminal 7
2235 mi (3597 km)
Duration: 4hr 57mn
America West
Flight: 52



rodrigo: juntos sempre foi bem melhor.

i Y ny

paul taylor


sexual spam

i'll eventually explain the point of posting messages i receive from internet 'dating' services.
unless you make up your mind first & decide to contact me.


'bear for one on one' messages

Date: Tue, 12 Aug 2003
To: vasco
Subject: New contact from Your Bear411 Profile
From: otherguy29

You have received a response to your Bear411 Profile.
To answer him, just reply this email. If this person has entered an
incorrect email address I can not help more.

Hey there Vasco!
I had seen your ad a number of times and figured it was time to write
to you after getting all hard and horny !
I see you here in all your bear glory that's so very damn sexy that it was time to contact you.
I am 48, 5'11", 195 lbs, br/br, average build, goatee & stache, hairy, 100% Italian guy.
I live in the northern suburbs of New York and commute to work in midtown NYC for a major cable sports network.
Love sports and sporting events, music, movies, a good book , a cold beer, some
good food & wine ( being Italian ! ) and the company of an interesting and sexy man.

I am married but prefer and enjoy having sex with men.

Love to kiss (am told very good at it ) and am a very sensual and passionate person.
To explore each other's body with our hands, mouth and tongue is very erotic
and what I love most about a man. The feel of a hot, hairy man's
body ( like yours ) is sheer heaven !

Am a total top and love being so. But if my lover prefers not to bottom,
we can still have enough ways to please one another to reach a pleasurable climax.
I am a decent, masculine, nice guy, D&D free, HIV- not kinky but loves passionate vanilla
sex with a man. Hope this peaks your interest and you write back to me. Really like
your looks and that hot, sexy body I would love to explore from head to toe.

You just give the impression of an overall good guy and just the
type I would like to get to meet and have some enjoyable time with in bed.
Can send some pics if you reply and please feel free to send more of yourself as well.
Reply to: otherguy29

Look forward to hearing back from you big guy
as I think we can have some very good times together.
Ciao !


Monday, August 11, 2003

friendster messages

From: Houston
You are connected to Houston through: You -> Paulo -> Marc -> Houston
Date: August 11, 2003 9:23 AM
Subject: Looking for a generous friend


Hi, I go by Andrew sometimes like on
and stuff. Well, I was looking at ur profile and
U seem very easy going and interesting.

I am a lil boy toy that likes to throw my shiit
out everynow and then, I must admit Im looking
for a generous friend. So I hope ur not

Im an artist trying to make my way. Im very
ambitious and I work very hard on my music. So,
if ur interested in talking more maybe hanging
out; let me know, if not Im sincerely sorry I
bothered U and I hope u have a killa day!!

talk soon, Andrew"

belo horizonte


queer eye for the straight guy

i do not like what i have seem so far,
mostly for the same reasons as john weir:

""Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" comes at a moment when lesbians and gay men seem to have reached a public relations peak. First the Supreme Court ruled that antisodomy laws are unconstitutional. Then America's Episcopal Church approved its first openly gay bishop. Now Bravo is sending friendly gay guys into the homes of all-American men and showing them how to shop."

"Reviewers have called the show "subversive," because it shows gay men touching straight guys in intimate places � the inseam, the sideburn � without being beaten up or legislated against. We can all get along if we would just let our gay brothers give us fashion tips, the show seems to say. Yet I wonder how surprising it is for television to feature a bunch of "fabulous" gay guys whose sole desire is to make the world a better place for straight men.

After all, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" is not about what gay men do so much as it is about how straight men feel. It flatters heterosexuals by putting them where they already are, at the center of the action."

"(...) the straight men who submit themselves to public makeovers by a team of gay men are not your stereotypical playground bullies. In the two episodes I saw, both guys were good-natured and easygoing. And the show's fashion-savvy gay men are smart, immaculate and handsome. Which is why I begin to mistrust "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." If this is reality TV, why aren't the straight guys hostile and punctilious and the gay men sloppy and depressed? (...) Indeed, the show insists on reinforcing the stereotype that gay guys are groomed and charming and slender and witty, and no more than 35 years old."

"(but) many gay people are equally unstylish."

"I'd like to be the straight guy who gets cleaned up on TV. Then I might look like a convincing gay man, the kind of ingratiating homosexual America loves enough to grant equal rights, like Will on "Will and Grace." "


man hunt

saints by josh gosfield




sinval called - his wedding is set for 8/27 in las vegas - and, as part of the wedding party, i'll be flying out on 8/26 (rodrigo's REAL birth day).

gemini horoscope
Sun Aug. 10, 2003 by
"An unexpected chance to take a trip by air to a place far away, perhaps at someone else's expense, could come to you today, dear Gemini. A group might be involved, perhaps one connected with education. Do you lecture, or teach? If so, this might be a chance to give a lecture in an exciting place you've never been to before. Get your materials together, pack your bag and go! And don't forget to have fun!"

Sunday, August 10, 2003


• DO people say you are SEXY? •
seduce me, why don't you?

my stats?

i'll tell you but, when are you going to learn?
in the end, chemistry is what matters

check list in case you are looking for more than stats:
humor, imagination, creativity, respect, passion, integrity
and impulsiveness (*very important*).

you're welcome, mr h

caetano veloso / waly salomão / spanish: willie cólon

Oh, mi abeja reina
Haz de mi un instrumento de tu placer
Si, y de tu gloria
Pues si de noche
En completa oscuridad
Prueba el sabor de tu miel
Salgo directo a la claridad del cielo
Y agarro el sol con una mano
De medio dia, de media noche
A toda hora, miles abejitas hechizeras
Mejor vamonos ahora
De medio dia, de media noche
Un zun-zun en la cabeza
En la ventana, en las cortinas de tela
Por la escalera,por la puerta
Por la calle,todo afuera
Animo de vida,oh seno de la floresta
Amor, en presta
A playa desierta, zumbi en la oreja
Concha de mar
Oh, abeja boca de miel
Carnuda, roja, colorada
Oh, mi abeja reina
Haz de mi un instrumento de tu placer
Si, y de tu gloria

fame II: the revenge

i saw camp last night, a "comedy about drama", 'fame' set on a summer... camp!.
cringed a lot & can't believe that all the campyness was on purpose, in spite of the *clever* name, camp.
i checked my watch several times (the true test if i've been completely sucked) while the rest of the audience seemed completely sold, breaking into cheers after each number (i was in chelsea, have to note).

but i also

and there was one good (as in 'it touched me') original song:

here's where i stand

"'s where i stand
here's who i am
love me, but don't tell me who i have to be...'s where i stand
here's who i am
help me to move on but please don't tell me how..."


Saturday, August 09, 2003

"an actor, yes, but no ronald reagan"

the new york times

"the anxious chatter among california republicans is whether arnold schwarzenegger can pull off a reagan-style conservative revival."

i need to seriously reconsider moving back to brasil...
the conservative wave this country is riding scares me


friday, just after midnight

& there was a sunset, after all, today.
& there will be many more - as certain as there will be rainy days too.

we just have to enjoy them as they come.
good night.

Friday, August 08, 2003


It All Depends on What You Mean by 'Have'
By STEVE MARTIN from the NYT Op-Ed

So if you're asking me did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction, I'm saying, well, it all depends on what you mean by 'have.'

See, I can 'have' something without actually having it. I can 'have' a cold, but I don't own the cold, nor do I harbor it. Really, when you think about it, the cold has me, or even more precisely, the cold has passed through me. Plus, the word 'have' has the complicated letter 'v' in it. It seems that so many words with the letter 'v' are words that are difficult to use and spell. Like 'verisimilitude.' And 'envelope.'

Therefore, when you ask me, 'Did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction,' I frankly don't know what you're talking about. Do you mean currently? Then why did you say 'did?' Think about 'did.' What the heck does that mean? Say it a few times out loud. Sounds silly. I'm beginning to think it's just the media's effort to use a fancy palindrome, rather than ask a pertinent question.

And how do I know you're not saying 'halve?' 'Did Iraq halve weapons of mass destruction?' How should I know? What difference does it make? That's a stupid question.

Let me try and clear it up for you. I think what you were trying to say was, 'At any time, did anyone in Iraq think about, wish for, dream of, or search the Internet for weapons of mass destruction?'

Of course they did have. Come on, Iraq is just one big salt flat and no dictator can look out on his vast desert and not imagine an A-test going on. And let's face it, it really doesn't matter if they had them or not, because they hate us like a lassoed shorthorn heifer hates bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Finally, all this fuss over 16 lousy words. Shoot, 'Honey, I'm home,' already has three, with an extra one implied, and practically nothing has been said. It would take way more than 16 words to say something that could be considered a gaffe. I don't really take anything people say seriously until they've used at least 20, sometimes 25, words.

When I was criticized for my comment, I was reluctant to point out it was only 16 words, and I was glad when someone else took the trouble to count them and point out that I wasn't even in paragraph territory. When people heard it was only 16 words, I'm sure most people threw their head back and laughed. And I never heard one negative comment from any of our coalition forces, and they all speak English, too.

Steve Martin is author of 'Shopgirl' and
the forthcoming 'The Pleasure of My Company.'"

the orchid thief

in the movie, when one of the (real or imaginary) twins is dying he tells the story of when he was in high school and loved a girl his *brother* thought he had no business loving and he was happy because it was his love and no one could change that.

she didn't love him back. in fact she made fun of him.

it didn't matter: he was happy because he loved.

brazilian poetry II:

as sem-razões do amor
(carlos drummond de andrade)

Eu te amo porque te amo.
Não precisas ser amante,
e nem sempre sabe sê-lo.
Eu te amo porque te amo.
Amor é estado de graça
e com amor não se paga.

Amor é dado de graça,
é semeado no vento,
na cachoeira, no eclipse.
Amor foge a dicionários
e a regulamentos vários.

Eu te amo porque te amo
bastante ou demais a mim.
Porque amor não se troca,
não se conjuga nem se ama.
Porque amor é amor a nada,
feliz e forte em si mesmo.

Amor é primo da morte,
e da morte vencedor,
por mais que o matem (e matam)
a cada instante de amor

Wednesday, August 06, 2003


my sister had a car accident
and needs attention. i feel helpless.
today is my mother's birthday or the day we use to celebrate it.
i miss my mother, whish she were alive.
i miss my sister.
i miss my family.
i miss myself.
i am missing.
from: flavia
subject: sister
date: wed, 06 aug 2003

Ei, Juninho

O universo tem suas cifras ... estou aqui com a clavícula imobilizada e quebrada depois de uma batida de carro.
Culpa minha, pela primeira vez.
Bem, incrível, o Leider foi a primeira pessoa que apareceu. Eu estava indo encontrar a Neila depois de ter ligado para ela. Há tempos a gente não se falava.
O cara do taxi, que foi batido, não teve nada, por sorte. A batida foi na roda do lado do motorista (dele). Não sou muito de falar "ainda bem que foi na roda e não na porta", mas a verdade é que ainda bem mesmo que só pegou na roda. Heresia, ainda bem que não ouve nada com ele. O seguro deve cobrir tudo direitinho.
Fase borogodó essa. Pela primeira vez no vermelho no banco, e não vai parar por aí...
A Neila me levou no João xxiii onde fizemos o que precisava. O "rolo" dela que me levou. Vou ficar um mês com a faixa nas costas e pescoço e um acompanhamento de leve.

Hoje é niver da mamãe, lembrei no hospital na hora de assinar a ficha. Coincidências ...

Sempre fui manhosa assim???
Minha carência estourou ... beijo


just for you

m people

I will climb the highest mountain
just for you.
Bring gold and silver to your door
just for you.
I will raise my glass up to the sky
just for you.
I will be your strength and be your pride
be with you.

I`ll make sweet soul music all night long
just for you.
Make you feel that you belong
just for you.
We`ll take a ride in the tunnel of love
just for you.
I will scream aloud at the altar of God
I love you.


Tuesday, August 05, 2003

will i ever be able to keep you interested?

i guess, before anything, i'll have to get over that very fear.

brazilian poetry:

josé (c.d.a.)

E agora, José ?
A festa acabou,
a luz apagou,
o povo sumiu,
a noite esfriou,
e agora, José ?